Poetry

Small Infinities

Two. There are two types of infinities:

The grand ones— those that have transcended the test of distance and time and matters of consequence.

And the smaller ones— those that fizzed out through the distance; that faded away with the passing of time; that didn’t survive the consequences of the matter.

Once, I remember thanking you for an infinity so small, it comfortably suited its whole self at the back of a postcard, before time, distance and matters of consequences ate the story alive.

small infinitiessmall infinities - words and wanderlust

My iPhone remembers you. It predictively displays your name on my search bar, rendering any attempts of moving-the-hell-on, on my part, useless.

It is as if its algorithm is somehow hardwired to the chaos of my pulse; a lie detector test of sorts.

For example, at “I do not love you,” it bleeps.

No, it blares. Like emergency ambulance, forest fire, intruder alert blaring— it can be fatal to not own up—

I love you.

I still write you messages, then hit backspace once I feel I have purged enough emotions for the day. Or night. Nights, mostly — When everything else is silent and what is left to hear is the thunder of all that I pretend I haven’t trapped within.

My fingers knowingly type up your username on platforms where you could be stalked incognito. Even on days when I do not intend to.

You have to understand: My reflexes may be overriding what this (mind) and this (heart) could not agree on.

~*~

I wish I can write us a novel: 500 pages of a slow beginning, an epic end, and a handful of magic/tragic moments in between—

But no, because our infinity had been so short, it could fit in a single tweet. And I’ve always wondered if length has anything to do with what the world would count as being just as real and as immobilising and as life-changing.

I’ve always wondered if we ever counted. I still do.

Published by Rain Campanilla

Born under the star of Sagittarius, the centaur of adventure; and in the year of the Rat, the ever curious--- Travel is my birthright.

5 thoughts on “Small Infinities”

  1. Celine | Celineism.com says:

    For example, at “I do not love you,” it bleeps.

    Siiiiiggh.

  2. Dada says:

    I’ve always wondered if we ever counted. I still do.
    … I will always do. And in the days that I doubt if if we did, I’ll muster up the courage and tell myself that we did. That we will always count.

    Fake it til you make it, they said.

    … Huhu ang Ganda Ganda po nito. Tagos po sa bone marrow. </3

  3. Rain Campanilla says:

    <3 Thank you for last, last night, mars :)

  4. Rain Campanilla says:

    Thank you bes! All is fair in love and war <3

  5. Dawn says:

    I love every word. It’s so deep and meaningful, Super gandaaa. I’ve experienced heartbreaks before but my heart and mind didn’t have the capacity to describe my feelings as lovely as this.

  6. Rain Campanilla says:

    Thank you. This is one of my favourite pieces. It is comforting how we all share the same heartaches.
    Thank you for visiting my site! 🙂

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